Genma's Report
by homeostatis
Summary: Everyone was too wrapped up in the events preceding the Chunnin Exams that the reports written about it were ignored... including those of our favorite Senbon sucking Jounin. Well, Neji's found them and it appears that Genma's been saying a few things.
1. Chapter 1

_Genma's Report_  
by. homeostatis

Warning: Character bashing like most of my fics, OOCness I try, really I do, itsy-bitsy-teeny-tiny spoilers, and Genma being an overall badass yet, I still prefer Hayate.

A/N: I apologize ahead of time if any of these sentences are askew. I was kinda sleepy when I wrote half of this fic. .

-no own. sob

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Neji hesitated slightly outside the Konoha Headquarters. He was supposed to drop off a mission report, fill in several forms about their teams current condition, then make his way to the hospital to meet Team Gai (Tenten had needed a few stitches, Lee a bit of healing salve, and Gai a few new brain cells but it was nothing serious). He hadn't wanted to be the one to report in but seeing as he was the only member of his team that was neither sliced, burned, or concussed he was duty bound to make sure that the Hokage got the details of their recent C-Class Mission.

Stepping through the glass doors of the Headquarters he realized—with no small amount of distaste—that the Chunnin manning the mission reports desk was a particularly grumpy one that had yelled at him (Neji, THE Hyuuga Neji, IMAGINE!) when he reported alone for the first time. Something about being looked at the wrong way, the nut.

But because Hyuuga's were superior to all and Neji was a Hyuuga, the genin set his not-quite-manly jaw and stalked up to the desk, clutching the folder that held the mission reports. The Chunnin looked up and scowled when a long shadow fell over his light.

"Ah, Hyuuga-san. Here to stare again?" He sneered. His forehead protector was tied around his slick back hair and Neji dearly wanted to smash the metal into the man's head.

Reminding himself that nothing made a missing nin faster than smashing in a commanding officer's forehead, the pale eyed boy dropped the report on the desk and stood there frowning at the man waiting for him to hand over the forms he had to fill in so he could get the hell out of there.

Determined to irritate the young Hyuuga, the Chunnin took his time flipping through the folder making noises and shaking his head every few seconds. Putting the folder down, he handed the Genin some forms and watched as one white eye twitched at the intentional dawdling.

Neji ignored a jibe about lacking proper motor skills and nicked a pen from the container on the table. He resolutely set to work on the pile, giving himself a pat on the back for not retaliating when the man loudly told him off for signing the names of his teammates the wrong way.

A few forms later, the Chunnin realized that he would get no rise out of the Hyuuga. Bored with the sudden lack of entertainment he stood up and made to get a cup of coffee. Normally, a Shinobi on desk duty wasn't supposed to leave his post until the shift was over but no one was there and it wasn't like the fuming Genin would know how to report him in.

Neji was relieved when he added the final period after the word "concussed". He looked up to find that the Chunnin wasn't back from his coffee break yet and that he'd probably have to wait until the man returned before he himself could leave the building. Temper returning he counted the different ways he could make the man pay.

_One,_ death. Not quite an option.

_Two,_ report him in… but that would include some delicate paper work that even Gai-sensei wouldn't be able to maneuver around.

_Three,_ find something incriminating and embarrass the hell out of the man.

The pale eyed boy shook his head and frowned at the table in front of him. Fate was mean sometimes. It constantly tried to waste his time with stupid situations and irritating people; _why, oh why, couldn't life be fair?_ He was a good boy; he DID beat up his weaker, female cousin but you couldn't say it was unfounded… some could even say it was her fault it happened. If she hadn't been so damn—

—a piece of paper jutting from an open drawer caught Neji's attention. It appeared to be another mission report and the folder was stamped with a "PRIVATE" on the front in red ink. Curious and irritated, the Hyuuga began forming an idea in his mind. He could get back at that Chunnin jerk and teach him a lesson about leaving his shift. Mind made up, Neji pulled the folder out of the slightly open drawer and took a quick glance at the front cover:

**Konoha Chunnin Exam Report**  
Judge: Genma  
Date: xxxxxx  
_CONFIDENTIAL_

White eyes widening comically, the genin realized that this was the report on the previous Chunnin Exam. Hearing footsteps approaching from the hallway on the far left, Neji stuffed the folder into his jacket and hoped that it didn't look too bulky.

Sipping coffee from a yellowing mug, the Chunnin smirked at him as he sat down behind the desk; failing to note that there was something missing. "Finished?" His tone was condescending and with a hint of mocking surprise.

Neji thrust the finished forms at him, not trusting himself enough to speak. How many times in the past had he snapped at the head of the Hyuuga household because he opened his big trap?

Stiffly leaving the Headquarters, the Hyuuga took a detour through the training grounds finding that he didn't really want to go to the hospital to see his cheerful team. The spoilsports might send the file back before he had a chance to observe its contents. Instead, he found a small clearing where he could safely observe the files he had… borrowed. If he'd read the file date correctly, it meant that the report was about the recent Chunnin exam… _his_ Chunnin exam.

It had been a disaster (not because of the death of the Hokage, nor was it because the alliance treaty had been rendered useless) but because he (him! Neji, THE Hyuuga Neji, IMAGINE!) had been beaten in battle by someone known for inventing perverted jutsus just to get out of class. Frowning darkly for the nth time that day, Neji slit open the cover and pulled out the first page.

It read:

**Genma's Report: Inter-village Chunnin Exam No.0755**

_The following participated in the recent Chunnin Exam and have been graded unbiased and accordingly:_

Name: Hyuuga Neji  
Village: Konoha  
Fighting Style: 7  
Tactics: 5  
Story: -3  
Overall Cool-ness: 7.5  
**Match Lost **

-Minus points for attempting to kill his cousin in the preliminaries.

_Judge's Notes: Hyuuga Neji has the potential to become one of Konoha's most powerful ninjas, an unfortunate prediction that will undoubtedly end in tragedy. His unnerving lack of self-control and irritating ability to stretch the truth for a few simple bouts of pre-teen angst could come in handy when attempting the death-by-bore style but for the sake of everyone in Konoha I suggest he stick with the Byakugan. Simply loosing one's father does not mean it's the fault of one's "evil uncle"; the smart thing to do is to talk to him and get your facts straight first before ruining everyone's morning with sob stories straight from your rear-end._

_Attempting to reap unholy vengeance on one's jittery cousin does not a good man make._

_(and the sponsors are requesting less flashbacks and more fighting next time.)_

Neji gaped at his report for a moment before letting loose an angry oath. An "_unnerving lack of self-control and irritating ability to stretch the truth_", "_Pre-teen ANGST?_" He blinked and re-read the short report several times over before realizing that the judge **had** been making fun of him. The Hyuuga now had another name to add to his list of "people to kill when I become more powerful".

Being pale was never a good thing when one was trying to hide the sudden rush of blood to one's face but Neji wasn't really thinking about his complexion at the moment. He angrily gripped the folder one last time before standing and resolutely going to search for the other competitors in the recent Chunnin exam. He had a feeling that they'd like to know what this fool Genma wrote about them.

Barely a few minutes out of the clearing he found Uzumaki Naruto at his usual place in Ichiraku. _The perfect hot head to start with…_

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-bwah. Read and review! and come back 'cause I have several more chapters to go ;


	2. Chapter 2

_Genma's Report_  
by. homeostatis

Warning: Character bashing like most of my fics, OOCness I try, really I do, itsy-bitsy-teeny-tiny spoilers, and Genma being an overall badass yet, I still prefer Hayate. Also, beware of Genma's sudden literary prowess.

A/N: More crack. X )

-Don't own folks… Own don't folks… Folks don't own… Own folks don't… Naruto.

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Before approaching Naruto Neji made sure to hide his embarrassing report at the back of the file. It wouldn't do to let the other Genin (Neji ground his teeth in frustration at that thought) see what was written about him… even if it wasn't, you know, true… _ahem_.

The Hyuuga stalked behind the blond haired boy before clearing his throat loudly. When the other boy didn't respond Neji settled for kicking the bottom of the stool. The loud slurping noise immediately stopped, only to be replaced by an equally loud voice.

Fox-like features whirled around and blue met white as the younger of them considered the rude new arrival, "OI! What do you want Hyuuga?"

Neji stared at him for a moment, trying to decide if he should lower himself to the other boy's standards by speaking. He decided to just shove the folder at Naruto and wait for the exclamation of protest that would eventually come.

Blue eyes eyed him suspiciously before setting its gaze on the folder. The boys' blonde eyebrows scrunched in concentration as he attempted to make sense of the writing. It took several minutes for the cover to make sense and when it did Naruto turned a skeptical gaze on the Hyuuga.

"What the hell do you want me to do with this?"

Neji sighed dramatically and massaged his mighty Hyuuga forehead. It seems he'd have to degrade himself after all, "Read it idiot."

Naruto grimaced and he looked ready to shout before the Hyuuga interrupted him.

"Yell at me later, just read it."

Angrily biting the inside of his cheek, the Kyuubi vessel squinted at the report and slowly ran his eyes over his page.

It read:

**Genma's Report: Inter-village Chunnin Exam No.0755**

_The following participated in the recent Chunnin Exam and have been graded unbiased and accordingly:_

Name: Uzumaki Naruto  
Village: Konoha  
Fighting Style: 8  
Tactics: 7  
Story: N/A  
Overall Cool-ness: 7  
**Match Won**

-Minus points for making rude noises during the preliminaries  
-Plus points for not doing it in front of the sponsors  
-Minus points for associating with bulls before a match (as seen in section7-a, paragraph 1-b of the Shinobi Handbook of Etiquette and Misplaced Sticks)

_Judge's Notes: I wish they'd start putting these hyperactive kids on Ritalin. I even have a long list of nin they could (should) force-feed it to (Inuzuka Kiba, Rock Lee—and we should probably nail Gai with it too, God knows his poor heart needs the rest—, Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino, and quite possibly a little bit for Sharingan Hatake-san)._

_Needless to say, Naruto is loud. Very loud. His proclamations of becoming Hokage certainly put some of the spectator's teeth on edge but other than that I believe he handled Neji's inappropriate dialogue pretty well… I still wouldn't recommend any of them for Chunnin though._

_Kudos to him for finally realizing he was a loser for the past 12 years of his life… and actually trying to do anything about it. Rock Lee doesn't count in this category as he still refuses to admit this to himself._

_Naruto's chakra control surprised many of the judges but needless to say we finally believe Hatake-san when his excuse for being four hours late is, "Had to control the Kyuubi."_

_(who the ---- taught him Kage Bunshin?)_

Fifteen minutes later and with Naruto's eyes still glued to the report Neji was beginning to re-think his decision to remain standing. Not only was his head starting to ache but he was beginning to feel the repercussions of his recent mission. It seemed that certain parts of his anatomy were now more beat up than the others.

The white-eyed boy sighed as his stomach began to complain. He promised to make it up to his mighty Hyuuga dignity (brother of the mighty Hyuuga forehead) later, but at the moment his hunger needed to be quelled. Just as he sat down, Naruto snapped out of his blissfully quiet state and slowly turned to look at him.

"Wha…" Was all that came out of the usually wide mouth.

Neji stared at him incredulously, as if unable to comprehend why anybody would attempt to speak to him (him! Neji, THE Hyuuga Neji, IMAGINE!) in such a broken, roundabout manner.

The silence that prevailed was eerie enough, but in the end it was the fact that there was peace while Uzumaki Naruto was sitting next to him that made Neji open his mouth (not in a nervous manner mind you), "What?"

A slight twitch told Neji that his question was about to be answered… at full volume.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP?"

Ah, the wonders of a childhood full of neglect and hate. Poor Naruto just had to develop a strong set of lungs didn't he? Idly, Neji wondered if the younger boy had been that loud the last time they met.

"It's a report from the Chunnin Exam," The Hyuuga deadpanned. He made sure to cut out the _idiot_ from his sentence; he'd wanted a coherent conversation with the other boy after all, "I… found it and some of the reports said a few things I thought the rest of you should know about." He left out the part about his own and where he'd completely failed to read the other reports ahead of time.

"Damn it," Naruto cursed before tuning back to his ramen with a thoughtful expression. The blonde boy tasted the noodles before spitting them out, "Yuck! It's cold!"

Neji rolled his eyes before scanning the menu the waitress slipped in front of him. Next to him, Naruto was chattering on about the cold noodles as the said waitress attempted to pacify him. While he was speculating which of the items on the menu held the least amount of MSG ("Natural ramen like this holds no MSG!" came the cry from Naruto, but we digress… no, wait… nevermind) the Kyuubi vessel's mindless prattling dwindled until there was another uncomfortable hush.

Feeling slightly insecure in a suddenly quiet atmosphere (come on, he spent half his time with Gai and Lee) Neji put his menu down and turned to the unusually quiet boy. Startled to find that Naruto was actually staring at him and had only gone quiet because the waitress re-heated his ramen, the Hyuuga warily returned the younger boy's gaze.

"What do you want now?"

"Um… question," It sounded hesitant but Neji knew better. He'd heard that Naruto quickly changed tactics when it came to stupid requests.

"What?"

"… who's Genma?"

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A/N: They've hit a road block! XD I would think that most of them don't remember Genma from the exams… Read and Review! …and come back! 


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